Kristen Janell: 2012

Moonrise over Willamette River

Tue, 24 Jul 2012 08:20:06 -0700

Moonrise over Willamette River

Today: Run, shower, job interview, teach 3 piano lessons, call-back auditions for NW...

Tue, 24 Jul 2012 08:17:05 -0700

Today: Run, shower, job interview, teach 3 piano lessons, call-back auditions for NW Children’s Theatre’s “Peter Pan,” meet nice guy for dinner (2nd date).

Tomorrow: Early morning breakfast with college friend in town, teach 2 hours of music camp, lunch with professional mentor to discuss upcoming job interview, running club 5k and social time.

Deep breath!

Oregon 2012 Summer: It’s been a tale of two mottos: “Relax and wait.” and “Pack in as much as you can!” In other words, focused stillness vs frenzied activity. Living in the Pacific NW kind of provides that, especially for us teachers who don’t work (much) in the summer. The rhythm of the school year envelopes us in gray dark mornings where coffee and work dominates. Then summer arrives with its rush of warmth and blinding sunshine and exploding gardens and this whole city bikes around, lingering in the parks, drinking cocktails with friends on patios late into the evening, packing their cars to go to the beach or the mountains, listening to lots of music.

I’m (trying to) relax and wait on the top level good things in life—a job I love, a person I love, knowing the lower levels are solidly in place. Thank you, sweet life.

I'm getting there

Thu, 05 Jul 2012 11:04:17 -0700

One Day

BY PATRICIA JABBEH WESLEY

Love Song for the Newly Divorced

One day, you will awake from your covering

and that heart of yours will be totally mended,

and there will be no more burning within.

The owl, calling in the setting of the sun

and the deer path, all erased.

And there will be no more need for love

or lovers or fears of losing lovers

and there will be no more burning timbers

with which to light a new fire,

and there will be no more husbands or people

related to husbands, and there will be no more

tears or reason to shed your tears.

You will be as mended as the bridge

the working crew has just reopened.

The thick air will be vanquished with the tide

and the river that was corrupted by lies

will be cleansed and totally free.

And the rooster will call in the setting sun

and the sun will beckon homeward,

hiding behind your one tree that was not felled.

How I am, tonight

Wed, 30 May 2012 21:49:24 -0700

I’m feeling my heart pulled in three directions, and each way looks murky and uncertain anyways.

I’m feeling so lonely, so drained, so untouched in the evenings.

I’m feeling jealous, so jealous of the tiny comments I hear my kids make when they return to my home. Comments about new kites, or being buried in the sand, or birthday parties for imaginary puppies. Why didn’t he have energy like that for me, for our family when we were a family? Sometimes I feel like I was swapped out.

I’m feeling scared of empty days alone this summer, and full days with kids. Also scared of no job security and another year of scraping by, still lonely and still no classroom of my own. Anxiety returns to my stomach, my shoulders and my forehead.

I know I am loved and appreciated by a few. I know I am a good teacher. I know my body is strong and healthy. I know my children adore me and when they snuggle up on my chest at bedtime and whisper their “I love yous” that they don’t compare me with anyone else. I know I will be and am okay.

Kids and I had a wonderful Mothers Day together at Cannon Beach,...

Wed, 16 May 2012 17:18:39 -0700

Kids and I had a wonderful Mothers Day together at Cannon Beach, complete with bright blue skies and summery air. I got lots of hugs and I Love You’s and I feel incredibly blessed to be their mother.

Photo

Wed, 16 May 2012 17:16:35 -0700

Photo

Wed, 16 May 2012 17:09:48 -0700

Waiting patiently for his pancakes. Jonathan is definitely an...

Sat, 28 Apr 2012 23:23:51 -0700

Waiting patiently for his pancakes. Jonathan is definitely an introvert, and keeps his opinions on life to himself for the most part, but he’s also curious and silly, observant and oh so lovable.

My beautiful vivacious girl. I just started reading Reviving...

Sat, 28 Apr 2012 23:19:21 -0700

My beautiful vivacious girl. I just started reading Reviving Ophelia for this month’s book club—at the park watching my daughter encourage and commandeer a group of kids to play “Nature Princess” with her. I know I have a long time until her adolescence—but God, I hope culture and hormones don’t make her ever think she should squelch her zeal and natural leadership…

Amazing long weekend in NYC: city of energy, creativity,...

Wed, 18 Apr 2012 08:14:12 -0700

Wandered through Central Park all day

Angels in America

Springtime in the City...perfect

Self-portrait outside the Frick Museum

Playing pretend...dance studio Manhattan

Opera Ben...my NYC Friday date

April and I, Rockefeller Center

Amazing long weekend in NYC: city of energy, creativity, dreamers. As I walked with the throngs of people, enjoying the crisp spring air, listening to all the different languages spoken, seeking out quiet spots to read and be alone, I felt intense regret for not moving here as a fresh 22 year old. Who knows if I was good enough, or driven enough to make it, but NYC is where I should have tried. I guess at its best, regret doesn’t depress you, but makes you redirect energy towards those dreams that you’ve neglected.

You mean I have to show up every day? With a plan?

Mon, 02 Apr 2012 22:35:00 -0700

So, I have left the realm of the substitute teacher and entered the world of “It’s my classroom, now what do I do with them every day?”

Of course, I’m thrilled to be the temporary teacher for this big high school choral program, but it’s also exhausting to think of all that must be planned/executed/graded/recorded/performed in the next ten weeks…and then to know that I will say goodbye to them forever, since hope of being rehired at that school is almost nil.

Today, the Royal Blues select ensemble clapped for me when they heard I would be teaching them the rest of the year, and later one Concert Choir girl brought me a little single-serving cake with a treble clef and a raspberry on top as a welcome gift. I love high schoolers. Last period of the day was the JV 9th/10th grade choir and they, of course, tested my authority by chatting, taking way too many bathroom/water breaks, and generally being squirrelly as I tried to direct their music. (Ah, young music teacher, remember the groundwork for discipline must be laid early!) Tonight I thank them for reminding me that teaching is about steadfastness and heart.

Solo ski day up on Mt Hood. Wonderful to pick my own ski paths...

Wed, 28 Mar 2012 19:32:22 -0700

Solo ski day up on Mt Hood. Wonderful to pick my own ski paths and go as fast or slow as I wanted. Lonely to ride the lifts alone over and over…

Photo

Wed, 28 Mar 2012 19:30:55 -0700

Where her hair becomes one with the trees…Oregon girl?

Sat, 24 Mar 2012 16:56:27 -0700

Where her hair becomes one with the trees…Oregon girl?

Best tweet ever?

Sat, 24 Mar 2012 13:03:00 -0700

I’m not one to re-blog, or re-tweet, or post other people’s stuff on FB…I fail enough just trying to create my own posts. But I read this tweet on dooce.com and HAD to share it somewhere. Hope it makes you giggle outloud like it did me, and I needed it today!

“Spent the last two hours whispering ‘Here comes the tickle monster!’ to people who were bench pressing weights at the gym.” —@iamyourguy

Winks on the beach

Mon, 19 Mar 2012 14:34:48 -0700

Winks on the beach

Taken by Holly at North Head lighthouse, Ilwaco,WA

Mon, 19 Mar 2012 14:34:13 -0700

Taken by Holly at North Head lighthouse, Ilwaco,WA

Photo

Mon, 19 Mar 2012 14:33:15 -0700

Gettin out of the house on a blustery Saturday.

Sat, 10 Mar 2012 17:04:39 -0800

Gettin out of the house on a blustery Saturday.

Photo

Sat, 10 Mar 2012 17:03:45 -0800